Within the files there are certain lines of dialogue that do not play in the game itself.

Poker Night at the InventoryEdit

Unused ResponsesEdit

The following are the responses characters would have had for towards the player depending on the context, including for reraising which was not implemented in the final game.

  • Check check double check!
  • I'm gonna check. Yep, still here.
  • You'll take it and you'll like it!
  • Diabolical!
  • Excellent!
  • Take it off, baby!
  • What if each of those chips represented a human soul? It would be horrible!
  • Are these good ones?
  • It's not the cards fault, you know. Now they've got nobody to love them, and will fall in with all the other dissed cards of society, wallowing around in a lawless life of deviance. Ah.
  • But think of all the adventures we could have had.

Strong Bad

  • I totally could have called that bet for twice as much!
  • That's. A lot. Of G's.
  • Betting big like the Strong Bad, I see.
  • Meh. I've seen bigger bets than that on a small... bet... thing.
  • If you love your cards so much, why don't you marry them and have three kids and not give the middle one enough attention!
  • 'Ey, that's a good move!
  • That's a shapely play. Let's call it a 'Strong Bad.'
  • Re-reraise? Vicious!
  • Wow. That is a thing that a jerk would do.


  • Nyet.
  • Ha ha ha ha! Tiny man thinks he can win!
  • Ooh! This is good idea.
  • Crush little man like bug!
  • You raise own bet? Why do you do this?
  • Ha ha ha! That is play of killer!
  • Woah!
  • Ooh!
  • This is BIG bet!


  • End of the road. I call.
  • Bold. I endorse your strategy.
  • Oh, so THAT'S how it's gonna be, huh?
  • You should know that my first response to an inveterate raiser is to shove chips down his or her throat until they shit like a slot machine.
  • I guess you don't fuck around.
  • Well done. Your victory is quite an achievement, given this game's impeccable AI programming.
  • Looks like you're playing for the shirt off of somebody else's back. (referencing the fact that he was originally going to buy in with his sweater)

Unknown QuotesEdit

The following are quotes the characters would have said for varying scenarios, all of which are unknown at this point in time.

  • Wahoo!
  • Ooh!
  • Eh.
  • Money!
  • OK!
  • OK.
  • Hm. Interesting...
  • Eh.
  • Come on, come on...
  • Oh-ho-ho, that's what I'm talking about!
  • Oh, I hope this ends in a shootout.
  • Sam and I love a good snitch. (may have been recorded for a conversation with Strong Bad)

Strong Bad

  • OK take-chugs, try not to wet your diap's over this!
  • I'm getting bored. Feel like I should bet this.
  • And... THIS little beaut is on the line!
  • This is worth, like, four-hundred-jillion dollars, but I'm fine with it being my buy-in for you cheapo's.
  • You can't really put a price on something this cool. But I can. How about 500 bucks?
  • How about five hun'ned?
  • A thousand bucks OK with all of you?
  • Consider this tournament taken... A-TO THE LIMIT! A-limi-limit!
  • I know, I know, super-rad... I'm all in.
  • I'm all in!
  • I'm all in. (different take)
  • Huh?
  • Huuuh?
  • OK.
  • OK?
  • Hm. Interesting...
  • Heh.
  • Come on! Come on!


  • Hmph. I am out of chips.
  • Perhaps I bet this.
  • It is new.
  • this hand. I am all in.
  • I say, make that 1000.
  • This is worth 500 dollars.
  • THIS is at risk as well.
  • (laughs) Let's make this hand have more interest!
  • I bet THIS.
  • I bet this TOO.
  • I feel confident having put NEW WEAPON on the line.
  • I have this,.
  • OK.
  • OK. (different take)
  • Hmm. Interesting.
  • Come on. Come on!


  • Ah...I see. (may have been recorded for a conversation with the Heavy)
  • It's been said.
  • Twist!
  • Savory.
  • Juicy!.
  • OK.
  • Alright.
  • Hm. Interesting.
  • Hm.
  • I suppose this sweetens the pot?
  • I'm putting this down, too.
  • I'd say it's worth 500 bucks.
  • I went through hell to get that, you know.
  • How about I bet this, too?
  • How about I put THIS on the line?
  • C'mon, c'mon...
  • Do NOT fuck me! Do you hear me, cards? I am your liege.

Calling Two Bets at OnceEdit

Originally, there were going to be reactions and responses where the characters would consider whether or not to call when two other players are still in play. This includes taunting the player into doing such. The exact circumstances under which these would have been triggered are unknown.
Strong Bad

  • I don't like either of you, but maybe calling you both just cancels that out. Reflexive property.
  • This is like that secret level of "Super Punch Out!" where you have to fight Buster Douglas and an ocelot at the same time!


  • You should know that I have no qualms with fucking both of you. I-In the hand. Th-This hand. Of poker. Which is a card game.
  • So, want to party up big boys?

The Player

  • Strong Bad: Well, if you were to pick up a copy of "What To Do When Calling Two Dummies," it would tell you exactly what to do when... well, calling two dummies.

Quick QuotesEdit

There are audio files of the characters saying the following lines quickly and shortly. While their purpose is unknown, it may suggest that there was originally going to be an option to speed the game along.

  • Check.
  • I check.
  • Call.
  • I call.
  • Bet.
  • I bet.
  • Raise.
  • Raising it.
  • Fold.
  • I'm out.

Strong Bad

  • Check.
  • I check.
  • Bet.
  • I bet.
  • Fold.
  • I fold.


  • Check.
  • I check.
  • Call.
  • I call.
  • Bet.
  • I bet.
  • Fold.
  • I fold.
  • All in.
  • I am all in!


  • Check.
  • I check.
  • Call.
  • I call.
  • Bet.
  • I bet.
  • Raise.
  • I raise.
  • Fold.
  • I fold.

Alternate/Extended ConversationsEdit

These are the full alternate/extended versions of conversations and reactions.


  • Max: Hmm... Maybe I'll just shoot these cards.
    Tycho: Didn't they make you check your gun at the door?
    Max: My gun is impossible to find and I'm an over-enthusiastic frisk-ee. (folds)
  • (when the Player idles)
    Max: (snores)
    Heavy: Now look! Bunny is SLEEPING! Play cards!
    Tycho: I can't imagine the horror of his dreams. Let's speed it up.
    Max: (wakes up) Wh- Huh? How long was I out? Sometimes I just black out when life reaches a peak level of boredom.
  • Max: This reminds me of the time Flint Paper beat the snot out of that poker instructor Artie Flopshark. He was a total scammer. See, Artie was squeezing our friend Jimmy Two Teeth for money after teaching him to play some game that didn't really exist.
    Strong Bad: Ooh! That's a good idea! Teach... fake... thing...
    Tycho: What was the game called?
    Max: Omaha? Maybe Topeka. Some place horrible.
    Tycho: Omaha's a real thing, Max.
    Max: Well, don't tell that to Artie Flopshark. Flint socked him until he promised he'd never play or teach it ever again.
  • Max: Aw, man. This reminds of that time when Artie Flopshark rigged an entire poker tournament so he could pay off his loanshark.
    Heavy: I know of this. This is very respectable profession in motherland.
    Max: Yeah, well, over here, these scumbags have unionized. Artie said he owed the credit union a heck of a lot of bread.
    Tycho: Did he say why?
    Max: Just that they were going to put him in a bunch of water. You know, give him the cement shoes? Drop him in the bay? It doesn't matter, though, because Flint Paper got to him first. Wheeeee, did he make him pay!
    Tycho: Maybe his mortgage was underwater, and your friend injured a man who was trying to keep his home. How did he rig the tourney, anyway?
    Max: I dunno. {shrugging} He won, though, so you know it was clearly rigged; a guy can't just win a tournament.
    Tycho: Right...

Strong Bad

  • (Everyone folds to Strong Bad)
    Strong Bad: (to Max) Just because those three jokers folded doesn't mean you have to.
    Max: Au contraire!
  • Strong Bad: (in response to a player's poor hand) {in a mocking tone} Oh, man! Do you even {exaggerates the word} know how to play?
    • Max: No, not really.
    • Heavy: A little. I am better at shooting things. These things are people.
    • Tycho: Do you know what it feels like to have you spirit shattered over a bed of rusty nails?
  • Strong Bad: (also in response to a player's poor hand) There's no quicker way to turn the hotties off than by being a terrible poker player, man.
    • Max: And yet the craziest ones can't keep their hands off me.
    • Heavy: *gasp* Is this true?
      Tycho: You probably compensate in other areas, Heavy Weapons Guy.
    • Tycho: I would say being a bad poker player comes second to being a four-foot-tall asshole with no evidence of anatomy.
  • Strong Bad: Why do you keep calling me "Tiny Heavy"?
    Heavy: You are heavy, tiny, no? You are RED Team. You have Killing Gloves of Boxing. You earn these for being great killer.
    Strong Bad: These are my hands.
    Heavy: You should try out for RED Team.
    Strong Bad: Hmmm. I guess I could join your team of ruthless killers and lame hat-wearers and watch you get grenaded by 8-year-olds. I will play the role of Team Mother and Lord High Ragamuffin.
    Heavy: You take many bullets before dying, I think.
    Strong Bad: I likes the heroically tragic direction of my character.
  • Strong Bad: Hey, Hefty Bag, you ever play video games?
    Heavy: Just one.
    Strong Bad: Oh yeah? What tickles your fancy?
    Heavy: It is called...
    Tycho: "WoW"?
    Heavy: Nyet. That is not popular. It is called "Where's an Egg?"
    Strong Bad: {waving his hands} Wh-wh-wh-WHAT? I love "Where's an Egg?"
    Tycho: That's not a real game.
    Strong Bad: Can it, Miss Blog-o-sphere 2004!
    Heavy: "Where's an Egg?" is as big as "Tetris" in homeland!
  • NOTE: The order of the lines is intentionally mis-arranged to include all the missing lines and make sense.
    Strong Bad: Hey, nerd-rancher. How many hits does your fansite-for-babies that I hate get a month?
    Tycho: {with a smug expression on his face} I don't really pay attention to that sort of thing... A couple million.
    Strong Bad: Sure. Chump traffic.
    Tycho: {angrily} No, for real. It's like millions! I don't know how many millions.
    Strong Bad: Ha, right! I get it. A few blajillion. Like on Monday, you got several ka-tillion hits. And on Tuesday, like half a blazill-illion.
    Tycho: Those weren't even real numbers you just said.
    Strong Bad: Right. Well so does our website, bozo. {quickly} And so does Bozo's website. We HAVE the data!
    Tycho: They track that on Google Analytics?
    Strong Bad: I'm not the only one making up numbers.
  • Strong Bad: So, Tycho {emphasis on each syllable, pronounced tai-chow}, I hear you fancy your fancy self a bit of an internet celebrity.
    Tycho: There's a distinct difference between fancying yourself something and actually being something.
    Strong Bad: Oh, I'm sorry, I can't hear you because of all the traffic.
    Heavy: I hear no cars...
    Strong Bad: I'm talking about all my crazy web-traffic, Ivan! This guy thinks he's some kind of Strong Bad with his Geocities account.
    Tycho: Yeah, we have a convention. Last year, like sixty million people came. That's a lot.
    Strong Bad: Just because your attendees WEIGHED as much as sixty million people does not mean that's how many showed up to your rinky-dink dinky-shrink.
    Tycho: Well, we'll be sure YOU don't get a pass next year.
    Strong Bad: HA! Like any convention is worth its salt distilled from the sweat of a thousand gamer-dorks without me. (grumbles) I wouldn't even go, anyway...
    Tycho: ...fucking chuwero.


  • (The Heavy folds)
    Heavy: These cards make me want to rip off man's arms!
    Tycho: May I recommend Strong Bad?
    Strong Bad: Good luck trying to separate me from these guns.
  • Heavy: You look very familiar, bunny.
    Max: Ooh! I know! I know! How closely do you follow the Manhattan crime blotter? Wait, you didn't go the Spiro Agnew School of the Arts, did you?
    Tycho: You attended? Didn't take you for the book learnin' type.
    Max: No, but Sam and I pinched their gym teacher in a black market jock strap ring in the 80's. I'd be surprised if any student didn't remember a dog choking out a large man with a unibrow.
  • NOTE: Heavy has early recordings for this conversation.
    Heavy:You have hands like young girl.
    Tycho: Who? Me?
    Heavy: Yes.
    Tycho:I have a regimen, yo. I keep them shits MOIST.
    Heavy:So you are more of sneaking, stabbing type.
    Tycho:In an extreme circumstance, maybe, or if someone's being a huge asshole.
    Heavy: {shocked expression before growling} I keep my eyes on you.
    Tycho:{stammering} No no no! I-I wasn't implying...
    Heavy:(Makes an angry expression)
  • Heavy: You have woman?
    Tycho: Not with me. I'm not holding here against her will, though. She can leave whenever she likes.
    Heavy: She is pretty?
    Tycho: Yeah. Cute, glasses, red hair.
    Heavy: She has the red hair?
    Tycho: No no no, Heavy, she's not on the other team. YOU DON'T HAVE TO KILL HER.
    Heavy: No, but I love the red hair!
    Tycho: Well, you can't have her either.
    Heavy: {pulls a very angry-looking face}
    Tycho: ...Maybe we can work something out?
  • Heavy: You wear BLU sweater.
    Tycho: Yep. Pretty much all the time. And I mean all the time. Ask the wife.
    Heavy: What are you?
    Tycho: Haven't we been over this? I know your head is the size of a grapefruit, but come on!
    Heavy: You are not Scout. Maybe very tricky BLU Spy. Maybe... new class.
    Tycho: I can use a keyboard to sabotage your team, steal your intelligence, and mail-order your sister to my goddamn doorstep, all in an afternoon! Yes, I'm a new class! I have a technical prowess beyond your wildest imagination.
    Heavy: This is true?
    Tycho: Recognize!
  • Heavy: {singing} Sandvich, sandvich, I love you sandvich...
    Tycho: Would you like someone to order you some food?
    Heavy: No, I am OK. I bring my own.
    Tycho: I don't wanna know where you were keeping that.


  • (in response to a big pot)
    Tycho: An ostentatious sum.
    Max: Don't say ostentatious.
    Tycho: I like it! The word ostentatious is itself ostentatious! Man, I'm gonna think about this ALL day.
  • Tycho: Hey, Heavy Weapons Guy. I just finished this Russian fantasy novel called The Dirge of the Moskva. Ever read it?
    Heavy: No.
    Tycho: Oh. Uh, well, what's your favorite book?
    Heavy: I prefer war.
    Tycho: Ah, War and Peace. Tolstoy. Nice.
    Heavy: No, just war.
    Tycho: Sun Tzu?
    Heavy: Nyet! ...I like "Tsar Hunger" by Leonid Andreyev. You know this?
    Tycho: I, ah, hm, I'm afraid I don't.
    Heavy: Is classic!

Cut ConversationsEdit

The following are conversations that were either cut entirely or trimmed down.

  • Strong Bad: ARGH! This game is lamer than lame university versus lame ANM in the championship lame-bowl!
    Heavy: Don't get so angry, tiny heavy!
    Strong Bad: Stop calling me that!
    Heavy: Why? It is not your fault you are tiny like baby. Perhaps father was small, or mother spent too much time near power plant! (laughs)
    Strong Bad: GARGH! I hope you die!
    Heavy: (laughs) That is good one, tiny heavy! "I die!" (laughs)
    Strong Bad: This sucks!
  • Strong Bad: Hey, four-eyes!
    Tycho: Are you talking to me?
    Strong Bad: What do you think?
    Tycho: I have no goddamn idea.
    Strong Bad: You're a total game-wad, right? Well what game are you playing right now?
    Tycho: Couple betas. Some Money Knight Combat. New Rockband oughta be cool.
    Strong Bad: Oh, so baby games.
    Heavy: Heh heh. Baby games!
    Tycho: No baby has the hand-eye co-ordination to even consider-
    Strong Bad: Right, yeah. (grumble) Now Blistergeist is a test of a REAL man's metal! It's a shoe-in for this years Strong Bad GOTY award.
    Tycho: That's a make believe thing.
    Strong Bad: That's what I would say too if I lived a sad, sheltered life away from real videral-games.
  • Strong Bad: This treehouse of nerds pales in comparison to an even more secret club that I go to.
    Tycho: In Strong Badia, somewhere between an old tire and a pile of dog shit? Maybe you have to knock three times on the skull of a dead hobo in the bushes, perhaps?
    Strong Bad: Ha! You wish you knew where it was. And even if you did, they wouldn't let you in! Look at you. A fella's gotta dress dignified! And talk like a southern-fried church picnic! Then youse got to know four inside out passwords, an invisible handshake and then cover 'dis mm-MM I LOVE sweet yams!
    Tycho: I'm not sure we're talking about a real place.
    Strong Bad: Rejoice-allulah, brethren!
  • Heavy: Once, I see RED Doctor walk up to me.
    Tycho: A friend of yours?
    Heavy: Yes. But I pull trigger and kill him with many bullets.
    Tycho: Jesus! Why would you do that?
    Heavy: He was not Doctor. He was...BLUFFING.
  • (alternative take on the above conversation)
    Heavy: Once, I see RED Doctor walk up to me.
    Tycho: A friend of yours?
    Heavy: Yes. But I pull trigger...
    Tycho: You do this a lot.
    Heavy: And kill him with many bullets.
    Tycho: Why would you do that to a friend?
    Heavy: He was not Doctor. He was...BLUFFING.
  • Strong Bad calls The Cheat for help)
    Strong Bad: Hit him up on the twooo-way...get some tips to get the money go my way... Hey, da Cheat! The bozo across the table is a real bluffer. What do you reco-recommend...? Whoa! I think we should leave his sister out of this! I don't want to start a fight and scare the other guys with my... manliNESS... Oh, that's much better. Nothing convinces a man to play it straight like a reminder of the global economic crisis and the rising price of da Cheat litter! Thanks, da Cheat!

Tycho Buy-In QuotesEdit

Tycho originally had different quotes for collateral, including his original buy in which was his sweater.

  • I do have this extremely limited edition shirt. Limited as in one.
  • Whoever knocks me out of the tournament is the proud new owner of that slightly used garment.
  • It has sentimental value. Also, blood stains. There's more blood though, that's somewhat renewable.
  • I will certainly miss that physical object.
  • I'm sure I'll find some place for...this... (winning the Dangeresque, Too?)

Murder at the Inventory?Edit

NOTE: The actual order of the lines is unknown and is arranged in the most logical seeming fashion.

  • Winslow: Congratulations, you are truly a world class cards-man with an icy stare! You have managed to best each of your opponents. This is--
    Max: Uh, you know there's an actual dead guy here, right?
    Winslow: Oh no. Back, stand back! Excuse me! ...It appears there has been a MUUURRRRDER!
    Max: Remember kids, crime is an invitation to the crypt.
    Winslow: Just goes to show that anything can happen at the Inventory!

Poker Night 2Edit

NOTE: The actual order of the lines is unknown and is arranged in the most logical seeming fashion.

Unused Ash Williams IntroductionEdit

  • (maniacal laughter) You want some? Come on, you ugly son of a- WAAAAAAH!
  • Ash: Sorry I'm late, but I was helping a little old lady cross the street.
    Claptrap: With a chainsaw?
    Ash: It was a busy street.
    Sam: I think you're bleeding.
    Ash: No shinola, Sherlock! Look, are we going to play poker or 20 questions? 'Cause I only got a couple of hours before my girlfriend gets home from her book club.
    Winslow: Well said, Mr. Williams.

Unusued Initial Blinds QuotessEdit

GLaDOS originally had dialogue for announcing the initial blinds of 400 and 800. These were likely scrapped in favour of the more generic and universal introduction quotes used in the final game.

  • We begin with blinds of 400 and 800 dollars, giving everyone an opportunity to play a few hands without losing their shirt. Unless of course they're incredibly stupid.
  • As always, we begin with blinds of 400 and 800 dollars.
  • The initial blinds are 400 and 800 dollars. I'd wish everyone luck, but I don't believe in wishes. Or luck. Or justice.
  • Tonight's tourney begins with blinds of 400 and 800 dollars. A small price to pay for a few moments of soon to be crushed hope.

Unused 'Sam and Max' Theme EliminationsEdit

The following unused elimination dialogues were likely intended for the "Sam and Max 25th Anniversary" theme, but were changed at some point in development.

  • Winslow: Max! Take Mr. Samson from the table.
    Max: Into the inventory, big guy!
    Brock: We're already there, nut-job.
    Max: Wrong inventory, loser!
    Brock: WOAH! Oh, dude, what the hell?!
  • Winslow: Max! Please escort Claptrap from the table.
    Claptrap: I love escort missions! People have to stay close to me in those.
    Max: Then you're really gonna love this!
    Claptrap: WHAAAA-?! That... was... AWESOME! Do it again! Do it again!
  • Winslow: Max! Please escort Mr. Williams from the table.
    Max: Mr. Williams, please step into... the inventory!
    Ash: W-wait, isn-isn't this the inventor-YYYYYYYY! So... cold...
    Max: Oh-ho-ho! Not even CLOSE, boomstick boy!
  • Winslow: Max! Please escort Sam from the table.
    Sam: Don't I get a say in this?
    Max: In you go, Sam!
    Sam: Say, Max, where do you keep your gu-WUUUUH! Well that was horrifying.

Unused Portal Theme QuotesEdit

In the audio files are quotes spoken by GLaDOS that relate to the Portal theme. For some quotes, there is no given context in which they would have played, leaving their purpose a mystery.

  • Please, stand back while I put this equipment back in its crates. Some of it can explode without warning. Aside from this one I mean.
  • If you're looking for a way to work off your debt, Aperture Science application forms are in the back.
  • In science, every success is proceeded by a thousand failures... But I don't suppose that really applies in gambling.
  • Please don't touch any of my equipment until you've signed the necessary medical wavers.
  • Thank you for participating in this special Aperture Science themed tournament. Please pick up your complimentary Aperture Science t-shirt on the way out the door.
  • Don't worry about the sentries. They're perfectly harmless as long as you pretend to be a wall.
  • Would you move a little faster if I broke out the propulsion gel?

Unused 'The Walking Dead' DialogueEdit

Several strings of cut dialogue hint at zombies/Walkers, referencing a cut "The Walking Dead" theme.


  • Sam: Holy Harry Housen on toast! Zombies!
    Winslow: Not just any zombies, Samuel. Those poor souls are Walkers, from the endless maelstrom of metaphor and despair known as "The Walking Dead."
    Max: Was that the zombie apocalypse? 'Cause I got to tell ya, I'm not feeling the terror. No.
    Sam: Me neither. Maybe they're supposed to be a metaphor for something scarier.
    Ash: Th-those guys are actors, right?
    Winslow: Yeeees. Ehm, a-actors.


  • Brock: You know, I really hate zombies.
    Claptrap: Technically, I think these losers are called Walkers.
    Brock: What's the difference?
    Sam: There isn't any. Walkers are just zombies from an Earth that's never heard of zombies.
    Ash: Oh come on. What kind of Earth hasn't heard of zombies?
    Brock: Oh, look who's talking, Deadite boy.
    Ash: Hey, Deadites are way different than zombies. Zombies are all "Braaaaaaaains" but Deadites are all "TEE-HEE-HEE! I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR SOUL!" It' a completely different brand of suck.
  • Sam: What do you think is behind is zombie fad, anyway?
    Claptrap: Probably because they're a bad guy to can blow away by the thousands, without getting the ratings board on your back.
    Ash: You're a romantic, you know that? I think it's 'cause we're entering another hippie-dippie age of naval gazing. You know, we're them and they're us and all that crap.
    Brock: Hey, I'll take zombies as a pretentious social metaphor six ways to Sunday if it means never having to put up with emo teenage vampires again. GOD, I hated that crap! What about you, Sam?
    Sam: Well I think writers like zombies as bad guys because they don't have to come up with any, um... smart... um, smart, um... words for them to... uh... talk.
  • Claptrap: Wait a minute... Am I taking crazy pills, or have WE all fought zombies?
    Sam: It seems like it.
    Claptrap: What are the odds?
    GLaDOS: Perhaps the owner of the Inventory has gathered the four of you together to form an all-star zombie fighting crew. No, forget I said that. That would be ridiculous.
  • Sam: You think we're in any danger?
    GLaDOS: I wouldn't worry. From what I understand, zombies feast on brains, and well...
    Sam: Well what?
    GLaDOS: Exactly.


  • GLaDOS: Mr. Samson has been eliminated.
    Brock: Let's dance, undead pussies...
  • Claptrap: What are you gonna do? Set zombies on me? I'm a freaking robot! I am immortal! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- What the-? HEY! That's my private place! Not like this...! Not like this...[1]
  • GLaDOS: Ashley Williams has been eliminated.
    Ash: If you need me, I'll be at the... oh crap... BONZAI! (maniacal laughter)
  • GLaDOS: Sam has been eliminated.
    Max: Hey, check it out Sam! These guys don't even run away when I shoot at them!
    Sam: Really? Let ME try!

Player WinsEdit

  • Winslow: In a most improbably victory, over the forces of despair, inevitability, and man's inhumanity to man, the Player has won the tournament!


NOTE: The following strings of dialogue do not appear to belong to any specific context.

  • Brock:
    • You uh... you might want to send a bus boy to that booth over there. It's a little... squishy.
    • Yeah, that's a classic zombie bite.
    • Fast zombies, slow zombies, dolphin zombies...
  • Claptrap:
    • It's OK, guys! I know how to fix this! I won't let you turn, friend-o!
    • My bad.
    • Fast or slow?
  • Ash:
    • (fighting sounds and laughter) Clean-up on isle 5. Bring a mop.
    • Hey, look! It's Dan Connors!
    • Hey, look! It's Robert Patterson!
    • Ew. That's doesn't look good.
    • God, you guys are dumb.
    • Duck zombies, teenage mutant super hero zombies...
  • Sam:
    • OW!
    • Shut up and get me a crowbar and a galon of iodine!
    • Hey! That's not a zombie bite... that's salsa!
    • Bigfoot zombies, rave zombies, clone zombies...
  • Winslow: Good luck!

Unused Player EliminationsEdit

Strings of dialogue from GLaDOS hint at special player specific eliminations for the themed tournaments.

  • Borderlands[2]
    GLaDOS: The player has been eliminated, and will be removed from the table in the most annoying way possible.
  • Sam and Max (Early)
    NOTE: There are several strings of dialogue that Max would have said for when the Player is eliminated, if the form of the original elimination. It is possible that one would have been chosen at random.
  • Winslow: Max! Please usher the Player from the table!
    • I don't really know what 'usher' means.
    • And that's why you gotta go!
    • Ah... they look so peaceful when they're in a coma, don't they Sam? I wish they could stay that way, forever.
    • You know, splinky, I like you. When I look into your sad, bloodshot eyes it's like gazing into the abyss of my own soul.
    • Hey Sam? Remember this thing? Eh?
    • HIKEBA!
    • Ah, you got off easy. In most of our adventures, the losers usually get blown up, make out with space-gorillas, or both, and not necessarily in that order!
    • Don't think of it as losing. Think of as ironic winning.
    • You know what cheers me up when I'm feeling down? Schadenfreude.
    • You know, if you had listened to even ONE of my telepathic messages, you wouldn't be swimming in loser cooties right now.
    • Hey buddy! Wanna win back your money? I'm running a Lambada contest in the ballroom! It's the forbidden dance!
    • You call that a walk of shame? You should be ashamed of yourself, walk of shame for yourself I- OOH! OOH! OOH! Oooh, I hurt my brain!
  • Venture Bros.
    GLaDOS: The Player has been eliminated from the tournament, and- Oh look. It's Dr Venture's Oo-Ray. It seems to have started up on its own. I wonder how that could have happened?
    Brock: GLaDOS! NO!
    Claptrap 'Oo-Ray?' Ooooo! Scary! Oh, NOW I get it: the 'oo' stands for 'Oo, gross!' Hey! Watch it with the heels, lady!
  • Army of Darkness
    GLaDOS: The Player is eliminated from the tournament, and will be repossessed.
    Ash: Klatu Barada Nikto! About time someone got that right.
  • Portal
    GLaDOS: The Player has been eliminated from the experiment. There. Now you're back in your miserable life. I can't imagine a more unfavorable condition.

Unused GLaDOS ExperimentsEdit

Strings of dialogue hint that GLaDOS originally had a very different purpose in the game, holding "experiments" that would test the player in compensation for higher pay outs. It is unknown why these went unused, or whether they were recorded before GLaDOS was even made the dealer.

  • Experiment 1:
    Hello. I've been watching you for a few tournaments now. You're very interesting. In fact, I'd like to perform a few experiments with you. Don't panic - I can see from your 'buoyant' physique that you aren't qualified to participate in my more energetic tests. So I've designed a few experiments that will appeal to your sedentary lifestlye. To sweeten the deal, I've arranged with the Inventory to double the rewards for participating in this tournament, so maybe your greed will trump your terror. For our first experiment, I'd like you to pay attention to me... That's it. Good luck.
  • Experiment 2:
    Time for another test. Are you still confused about the point of the last one? I'll have to make a note of that: Not very observant. During this next tournament, you may occasionally see and hear things our of the corners of your eyes and ears. These sounds and images are harmless, but you may find them... disconcerting. As a bonus for your participation, the tournaments usual rewards have been tripled.
  • Experiment 3:
    I've just finished collating the data from our last experiment. Did you know that you involuntarily entered a fugue state during the height of the subliminals? No, of course you didn't... that's why it's a fugue state. During this test, I've taken the liberty of rewiring your optic nerves for the duration of the tournament. You may feel a touch of extreme vertigo, but this sensation likely be temporary. Unless you pass out. The Inventory has authorized me to quadruple the typical rewards for participating in this test. Good luck.
  • Experiment 4:
    I know we haven't talked for a while, but I've spent the last couple dozen tournaments devising a proper follow up to our previous experiment. I hope you enjoy it. Also, you standard tournament rewards have been multiplied by five.
  • Experiment 5:
    I bet you thought I'd forgotten about you... well I haven't. You stuck it out for over one hundred tournaments, and reached this: the final experiment the Inventory has authorized me... to perform on you. It looks... familiar. I realize you're probably a little afraid right now, but your rewards will be ten-fold the usual pittance doled out by the Inventory.

Altered Reactions/ConversationsEdit

  • Brock: P-... p-... pussysayswhat?
  • Ash: OK, enough of this penny ante BS!
  • Max: Ooh! You're the walking dead! Get it?
    Sam: Not really.
  • Claptrap: Y'know, Ash, you should really think about trading in that primitive Boom Stick for one of the Torgue Boom Sticks for sale over there.
    Ash: I think I'll stick with my classic S-Mart model, thanks.
    Claptrap: But the Torgue Brand Boom Stick can shoot six rockets at once, and does anywhere from 310 to 1258 points of damage, and can be fitted with elemental accessories, and-
    Ash: Can it do this? (takes out his shotgun and holds it backwards over his left shoulder and fires a shot behind him)
    Claptrap: Not without melting your eardrums.
    Ash: Then I'll pass.
  • GLaDOS: Sam has been eliminated, and will be removed from the table via rocket launcher.
  • NOTE: The following conversation is mostly the same as the one in the final game, but Sam's dialogue is delivered differently.
    GLaDOS: Sam has been eliminated, and will be removed by his partner's illiteracy.
    Sam: Huh?
    Max: Cuckoo, banana, pismo? (opens book)
    Sam: Max, no!
    The Necronomicon flies around the room, at one point running into Winslow.
    Winslow: I say!
    Finally, the book zooms toward Sam.
    Sam: Not again! (gets swallowed)
    Max: To the editor's desk!


  1. GLaDOS' dialogue is not present, but it can be assumed that she announced Claptrap's elimination beforehand.
  2. It is unclear which theme this elimination belongs to. The given theme is only an assumption.
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